My Lifestyle

nowyoukno:

Fill out the online form to claim your piece of this lawsuit.

nowyoukno:

Fill out the online form to claim your piece of this lawsuit.

tutube:

MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE

(Source: thisisjusttosayihave, via ruinedchildhood)

captainarlert:

therealbarbielifts:

bergerwithcheese:

trumpetnista:

2ndratehandjob:

lady-dirtbag:

marchqueen:

tastefullyoffensive:

Portals to Hell by hrmphfft

IT’S BACK

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS AGAIN FOR MONTHS

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

ITS BACK 

This is one of those posts that you need to save and tag or you’ll never see it again for 84 years.

Whoever drew this is an amazing person and I love them.

What in hell

(via lucifers-ass-cheek)

redbluepurpleblack:

marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:


A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.

Literally my favorite tumblr post ever

redbluepurpleblack:

marionisamuffin:

pleasantandcain:

fromladytolifter:

candidlycara:

dance-in-the-shadows:

gracediamondsfear:

wifeyknowsbest:

whatapreciouslittlefuckfox:

A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!

Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!

this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.

i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

God.

My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”

THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.

THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.

it worked, but not before I laughed for days.

For that last comment.

I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.

Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.

On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.

Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?

Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?

Story time:

I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”

Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.

Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.

It got better.

Literally my favorite tumblr post ever

(Source: erospainter, via writeaboutmysins-theyregospel)

lightsguideme-home:

Every time I read this my heart breaks

(via i-am-not-a-wallflower)

the1dlifeforme:

Ladies and gentleman, 21 year old twins and child stars Dylan and Cole Sprouse.

(via ruinedchildhood)

vampirestump:

image

     all text posts in october must be
              formatted like this

image

(via trabajoo)

lolo9000:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Tumblr Puns 

The sex toy one tho…

(via bootyliciousitsnutricious)

notontumblr:

prettyboyshyflizzy:

aggienes:

getintunee:

sunfl0werpetal:

callmehealy:

THIS TOO GUYS. BE SAFE.

This is sorta manditory to reblog.

😳

This joint kills you faster than the bubonic plaque. True

thats because it was designed in the lab to do that

Oh jesus christ. Not one of these “Let’s talk about the symptoms without discussing the realities of the disease!” shit posts. All these do is make people panic and think their cold is some sneaky form of Ebola.
OKAY LISTEN UP YOU GUYS. ITS TIME TO PULL UP A CHAIR, TURN ON YOUR SCIENCE EARS AND:

(I’m using Bill Nye because this is gonna be a goddamn science talk and I know you people love nostalgia)
HERE ARE SOME VERY IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT EBOLA:
EBOLA IS ONLY TRANSMITTED THROUGH CONTACT WITH THE BLOOD OR BODY FLUID OF AN INFECTED PERSON.This is why one of its nicknames is “the Caregiver’s disease”! Because most people who contract it are people who were taking care of an infected patient or handled bodies with Ebola. So the general rule of thumb to avoid Ebola (and dozens of other disease much more prevalant everywhere) is: IF YOU SEE BLOOD OR BODILY FLUIDS THAT’S NOT FROM YOUR BODY - DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT.
THE EBOLA VIRUS HAS A SHITTY SURVIVAL RATE OUTSIDE A HOST. This means that once a strain of the virus leaves a person’s body outside through blood, vomit, snot, etc - it can’t survive very long at all. In fact many scientific studies find that it’s hard to estimate exactly how long it can survive because their samples tend to start to break down before they can even run tests. This means sitting on a toilet seat in Dallas will not get you fucking ebola. 
ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS THIS OUTBREAK HAS GOTTEN SO BAD IS DUE TO SHITTY HEALTH CONDITIONS AND INFRASTRUCTURE IN THE INFECTED COUNTRIES. And by shitty, I mean it’s hard to get clean water and supplies level of shitty. While we can argue about the shitty state of US healthcare (and it’s 100% valid discussion) - it really doesn’t compare to what these clinics have.
IT DOES NOT HAVE A 100% MORTALITY RATE. Yes, it can be very deadly (from 25-90%), but again, most of the reasons it’s been so deadly is because of the shitty health conditions pointed out in #3. But it is completely possible to survive through Ebola if you get proper treatment (which you shouldn’t have it in the first place if you followed #1).
NOT EVERY AFRICAN COUNTRY HAS BEEN INFECTED WITH EBOLA. In fact compared to other epidemics, the rate this one has spread is small (I mean it is tragic, no question about that, but objectively speaking it doesn’t even hold a candle to the Bubonic plague, Spanish Influenza, HIV/AIDS or even H1N1). The countries infected are Sierra Leone, Guinea and Liberia, all located in West Africa. And by infected, I mean about 0.0004% of their combined populations of 20 million are infected - which in pandemic terms this is tiny. So if you or your friends or your family who are either traveling or living in other parts of Africa you really shouldn’t worry about Ebola because- Africa is fucking huge.
THERE IS NO SOLID EVIDENCE IT WAS CONSTRUCTED IN A LAB. This is a conspiracy theory that’s been thrown out there in order to explain why it’s so deadly. People get anxious, and they blame what they can.
And that’s it! It pretty much boils down to it’s really not something to panic about - and you shouldn’t handle other people’s bodily fluids or blood without proper equipment. Which- you really shouldn’t do that at anytime, anyplace.

notontumblr:

prettyboyshyflizzy:

aggienes:

getintunee:

sunfl0werpetal:

callmehealy:

THIS TOO GUYS. BE SAFE.

This is sorta manditory to reblog.

😳

This joint kills you faster than the bubonic plaque. True

thats because it was designed in the lab to do that

Oh jesus christ. Not one of these “Let’s talk about the symptoms without discussing the realities of the disease!” shit posts. All these do is make people panic and think their cold is some sneaky form of Ebola.

OKAY LISTEN UP YOU GUYS. ITS TIME TO PULL UP A CHAIR, TURN ON YOUR SCIENCE EARS AND:

(I’m using Bill Nye because this is gonna be a goddamn science talk and I know you people love nostalgia)

HERE ARE SOME VERY IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT EBOLA:

  1. EBOLA IS ONLY TRANSMITTED THROUGH CONTACT WITH THE BLOOD OR BODY FLUID OF AN INFECTED PERSON.This is why one of its nicknames is “the Caregiver’s disease”! Because most people who contract it are people who were taking care of an infected patient or handled bodies with Ebola. So the general rule of thumb to avoid Ebola (and dozens of other disease much more prevalant everywhere) is: IF YOU SEE BLOOD OR BODILY FLUIDS THAT’S NOT FROM YOUR BODY - DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT.
  2. THE EBOLA VIRUS HAS A SHITTY SURVIVAL RATE OUTSIDE A HOST. This means that once a strain of the virus leaves a person’s body outside through blood, vomit, snot, etc - it can’t survive very long at all. In fact many scientific studies find that it’s hard to estimate exactly how long it can survive because their samples tend to start to break down before they can even run tests. This means sitting on a toilet seat in Dallas will not get you fucking ebola. 
  3. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS THIS OUTBREAK HAS GOTTEN SO BAD IS DUE TO SHITTY HEALTH CONDITIONS AND INFRASTRUCTURE IN THE INFECTED COUNTRIES. And by shitty, I mean it’s hard to get clean water and supplies level of shitty. While we can argue about the shitty state of US healthcare (and it’s 100% valid discussion) - it really doesn’t compare to what these clinics have.
  4. IT DOES NOT HAVE A 100% MORTALITY RATE. Yes, it can be very deadly (from 25-90%), but again, most of the reasons it’s been so deadly is because of the shitty health conditions pointed out in #3. But it is completely possible to survive through Ebola if you get proper treatment (which you shouldn’t have it in the first place if you followed #1).
  5. NOT EVERY AFRICAN COUNTRY HAS BEEN INFECTED WITH EBOLA. In fact compared to other epidemics, the rate this one has spread is small (I mean it is tragic, no question about that, but objectively speaking it doesn’t even hold a candle to the Bubonic plague, Spanish Influenza, HIV/AIDS or even H1N1). The countries infected are Sierra Leone, Guinea and Liberia, all located in West Africa. And by infected, I mean about 0.0004% of their combined populations of 20 million are infected - which in pandemic terms this is tiny. So if you or your friends or your family who are either traveling or living in other parts of Africa you really shouldn’t worry about Ebola because- Africa is fucking huge.
  6. THERE IS NO SOLID EVIDENCE IT WAS CONSTRUCTED IN A LAB. This is a conspiracy theory that’s been thrown out there in order to explain why it’s so deadly. People get anxious, and they blame what they can.

And that’s it! It pretty much boils down to it’s really not something to panic about - and you shouldn’t handle other people’s bodily fluids or blood without proper equipment. Which- you really shouldn’t do that at anytime, anyplace.

(via trabajoo)

theductiletroll:

kyleehenke:

wiener.avi

its really important that I reblog this again

(via trabajoo)